Saturday, May 23, 2009

Le List of Deeds


I did the most amazing thing last week. I was writing and couldn't remember the chronology of my life after college. A bit sad since I'm only 29, but all those late nights out drinking are starting to turn into one. So I decided to write a brief list summarizing each year, and when I got to the years I've been in New York, the lists started to get longer and the deeds bigger. I was shocked. I didn't feel like I had accomplished anything here, especially last year. I felt more down on myself and kept seeing the things I hadn't done, or the things wrong with what I had done, and just thinking to myself, 'Yes, I know moving to NY is hard, but I didn't do it right because blah blah blah.' And last year, the year I remember as empty, flat, and coming short of my expectations, turned out to be the biggest list of all and included:

- Finding and accepting a job in NY
- Living with a boy for 1.5 months
- Finding an apartment in NY without a broker's fee
- Learning how to drive and getting my driver's license
- Traveling to several places including back to my USA childhood home, Atlanta, Napa Valley and Mexico
- Learning how to read and write in Hebrew (I have since forgotten)
- etc.

I was surprised when I finished. I did all that? I guess it wasn't so much that I didn't do anything, it was a false perception of my strength and my capabilities. I figure if I had saved the world, I still wouldn't have felt like I did anything worthy, since my perception of myself was based on something other than what was really happening. Maybe things people had said to me, or ways in which I had disappointed myself in the past, causing me to peg myself as a not successful. Writing the list didn't heal that, but it opened my eyes to my false perception, and since acknowledgment is the first step, it has helped me change the way I look at myself.

You should definitely try it, it's kind of mind-blowing even though it sounds so simple. I'd love to hear about it, but first I'm off to look at shoes. I think I deserve a little reward for learning and forgetting a new alphabet last year :).


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Le Pierre Menard


Foreigner to New York seeks English to English translator/interpreter. Person should be fluent in American verbal and written (emails, text messages, etc.) American and New York English, as well as non-verbal communications (unanswered emails, text messages, long pauses in conversation, eye contact). The person should be able to translate these messages into plain old European (UK, Ireland, Expat) English or German. Must decipher what people actually mean to say without actually saying it directly. Please send a photo with your application. No phone calls.

Thank you.
Pierre Menard

Monday, May 04, 2009

Le Convenience of 29

 I conveniently decided today that I don't believe in age anymore. I think you just need to *be* and when you're ready for things to happen, they happen, and you can't really go by a number because people do things at different ages, so there really are no rules. Oh yeah, I'm also 29 today. Yay me.

I have a lot of opinions about being 29. First, I really like having a 9 in my age. I don't know, it feels soothing. 27 and 28 were a bit so so and involved a lot of drama, so I'm kind of glad to be in a new age bracket. I think this one is going to be a winner, where I sort of return to my roots and find happiness again.

This is also the last of my 20s. At first I was a bit depressed, to be honest. I felt like I hadn't accomplished much, and most importantly, I was really nervous about celebrating without my family and close friends. But then I decided to make the best of it, and I actually got excited about my birthday again. I don't think I've been excited for a birthday in over 5 years. I made plans, saw people, enhanced budding friendships, did fun things like go see Marc Jacobs talk at the New York Times and watch No Doubt perform at Rockefeller Plaza on the Today show. And of course I went shopping at the Hello Kitty store. It was a successful spree if you must know. I figured if I could survive my birthday "alone", then I can live here on my own as well. It's not over yet, but I think so far it's been good and I have a good shot at this whole New York thing.

So the last of my 20s. I started writing all these rules about things I had to do this year since next year I won't be able to, like dress like Gwen Stefani or wear mini skirts, but honestly...who cares? Gwen Stefani is 39 and she dresses like herself, so why can't I in my 30s? That's kind of silly.

I also started writing a list of accomplishments and was going to complain to you about how I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. But honestly, who the hell am I to judge that? It all comes down to seeing how happy you are, and if you feel like you are being true to yourself, and right now I am trying as hard as possible to do just that. I want to go back to truth and honesty like I used to be before I moved here. You can't really go wrong in that case as long as you refrain from doing things that feel wrong. Like not dressing like Gwen (I know I keep bringing her up, I just really like stripes right now). It feels really right and makes me happy so I'm doing it.

Anyway, I'm off to enjoy the rest of my birthday. I wish you happiness, truth and beautiful clothes. Here's to a new year :).


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