Saturday, May 23, 2009

Le List of Deeds


I did the most amazing thing last week. I was writing and couldn't remember the chronology of my life after college. A bit sad since I'm only 29, but all those late nights out drinking are starting to turn into one. So I decided to write a brief list summarizing each year, and when I got to the years I've been in New York, the lists started to get longer and the deeds bigger. I was shocked. I didn't feel like I had accomplished anything here, especially last year. I felt more down on myself and kept seeing the things I hadn't done, or the things wrong with what I had done, and just thinking to myself, 'Yes, I know moving to NY is hard, but I didn't do it right because blah blah blah.' And last year, the year I remember as empty, flat, and coming short of my expectations, turned out to be the biggest list of all and included:

- Finding and accepting a job in NY
- Living with a boy for 1.5 months
- Finding an apartment in NY without a broker's fee
- Learning how to drive and getting my driver's license
- Traveling to several places including back to my USA childhood home, Atlanta, Napa Valley and Mexico
- Learning how to read and write in Hebrew (I have since forgotten)
- etc.

I was surprised when I finished. I did all that? I guess it wasn't so much that I didn't do anything, it was a false perception of my strength and my capabilities. I figure if I had saved the world, I still wouldn't have felt like I did anything worthy, since my perception of myself was based on something other than what was really happening. Maybe things people had said to me, or ways in which I had disappointed myself in the past, causing me to peg myself as a not successful. Writing the list didn't heal that, but it opened my eyes to my false perception, and since acknowledgment is the first step, it has helped me change the way I look at myself.

You should definitely try it, it's kind of mind-blowing even though it sounds so simple. I'd love to hear about it, but first I'm off to look at shoes. I think I deserve a little reward for learning and forgetting a new alphabet last year :).



Post a Comment

<< Home