Sunday, May 27, 2007

Le Psychological Steps of Moving: Part 8

Amy Winehouse - Love is a Losing Game

Le Three Week Low
Today I can't stop listening to this song. The looming goodbyes has already begun in my mind and the tears just come whenever I hear this song. I feel zapped of creativity, freed from any need or reason to write. I stare at time as it steadily flows by. I sit and cry together with Amy. She reminisces of a lost love as I dread all my farewells to come.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Le 1st Birthday and le 101st Post

Pink Birthday Cake

Dear Budding Blog,

I'm sorry I missed your birthday last week on May 17, not to mention your 100th post (101 including this one). I really wanted to do something special for the occasion, but unfortunately I was in bed with a fever and recovering from having my wisdom teeth pulled out on Monday. On the day of your birthday, I was feeling especially bad. There was nothing 'peaceful' and everything gory about it, let me tell you.

Anyhow, I would still like to wish you a very happy birthday. When I think back to a year ago when it all started, I cannot believe it is same person and the same life. I was so depressed at the time, I would sit there at work and just stare out the window and didn't think I would ever have the courage to tell my family that I am leaving them for another continent. Then I ordered my laptop, and that day I swear I could faintly hear New York. When I finally picked up my baby, so shiny and white, I was soooo excited. I carefully carried it home in the drizzling rain and unwrapped it in front of my parents. Then I spent the next three hours trying to get onto the internet, and then after finally giving up, I typed a little in word and sorta admired how shiny it was. Eventually I made it online a couple of days later with the help of a friend.

It took me a month to come up with your name and interestingly enough, it came to me the same day my Garden State DVD arrived from I sat there that night watching the story about letting go and changing your life while I set up the site and typed up my first post which I had written on the bus that day. The next morning, I felt like the earth had moved somehow. I can't explain it, suffice to say 'it' was just different. And look at you know, 22 readers and over 100 posts under your belt with hopefully many more to come :).

I wonder if it is a coincidence that I recently celebrated my birthday as well. I turned 27, and while that isn't a nice round number like yours, I feel like it is a very middle age or phase in my life. I'm in the middle of my late twenties, in the middle of two countries, in the middle of two homes, two jobs...two lives I guess. The middle is nice though, it means balance and hopefully that will filter over into my life. And trust me, while New York was faint back then, I hear it now in every car horn, every siren and actually every time I leave the house. I'm just there.

I had a lovely birthday party. I was surrounded by friends and work colleagues with really good energy and yummy pink cake. Yes, pink cake. It was very very Marie Antoinette. My friend Tiffany thought it would be fitting and it totally was. I want to wish you a happy birthday dear blog, with another year full of surprises and outrageous pink cake.


Friday, May 11, 2007

Le Psychological Steps of Moving: Part 7

"Something strange has happened. I feel like I am back home, like I am on my path again, like I can breath. I feel like me, something I haven't really felt in so long. I am happy again."

Le Walt's Loss

Nothing is ever really lost, or can be lost,
No birth, identity, form — no object of the world.
Nor life, nor force, nor any visible thing;
Appearance must not foil, nor shifted sphere confuse thy brain.
Ample are time and space — ample the fields of Nature.
The body, sluggish, aged, cold — the embers left from earlier fires,
The light in the eye grown dim, shall duly flame again;
The sun now low in the west rises for mornings and for noons continual;
To frozen clods ever the spring's invisible law returns,
With grass and flowers and summer fruits and corn.

From 'Continuities' by Walt Whitman

Le Psychological Steps of Moving: Part 6


"How am I going to leave my [insert family member/close friend]?? How am I ever going to say goodbye, get on the plane? I am so sad that I won't be able to see them whenever I want. This is heartbreaking."

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Le Psychological Steps of Moving: Part 5

Courtesy of

“I’m going to live there. I can’t believe it! Is that really me I’m talking about, as if I have it all figured out? No, no we’re talking about someone else, right? Who is this person, who quit her job, booked her flight and canceled all her contracts? Because I don’t see myself in it.”

Friday, May 04, 2007

Le Psychological Steps of Moving: Part 4

":). I remember what it felt like to sit on the steps of [insert place in destination]. It felt so nice, sitting there, eating my lunch, watching the [insert vehicle/animal/human] go by. And I'm going to live there. I can't believe it!"