Thursday, June 11, 2009

Le Yogi Sade

Sade - Cherish the Day

I had to smile when I heard Sade in yoga class yesterday. It took me back to this post I made, when I was in Munich listening to Sade and thinking about living in New York. And now here I am and it is nothing like I imagined. In fact, one of the few places where I feel like it's right and all the planets are aligned is in yoga class. The room, the view from the window, the time of day, my teacher Jeffrey and even the other students feel just right. The rest of the time I wander around the city thinking "What am I doing here?" or "Was it worth all the trouble to move here? What for?" or just "Wow".

But in yoga class, all of that is different. Everything makes sense there, even my weirdly flexible, middle eastern, crooked body, which delights in each weird crooked strechy move. As a gym student who once got a D, it is fun to excel at a sport and feel like it comes naturally to me. My favorite poses are the ones are the really twisted bendy ones, and the ones I used to do as a kid for fun, like a shoulder stand with my legs wound around two times. Surrounded by serious grown-ups, it never occured to me that adults would ever do it too.

Yoga is also the one of the few commitments I've been able to make recently. Ever since my break up, this class has been my therapy session, where my mind gets to rest as my body takes over. Everytime Jeffrey would say open your heart (where you point your chest to the sky), I would open as wide as possible so forces from above could heal the broken parts of my heart. It hurt but it also felt nourishing.

And then there's the music; Sade and Thievery Corporation which sometimes come up, and are both artists who I just love.

All in all, I try to take a "yoga view" to my life. Regardless of why I'm here, or if it was right or wrong, now that I'm in New York, I might as well live in the moment, enjoy it to the fullest and remember to breath.


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Le Closure

"Loneliness is not being alone; it's loving others to no avail." - Mario Stefani

Today was a day of closure for me. I had a long overdue talk with my ex in order to understand exactly what happened and why things ended up the way they did. We've had these chats before, but I've always come away feeling confused. But today was different, I got some answers I needed and finally understood what happened.

In some ways I feel like Carrie in the 'Sex and the City' episode where she feels like Barbra Streisand in 'The Way We Were'. That I am the crazy, emotional person who overwhelms Hubbell and he decides he can't handle her. I am relieved and happy that the permanent state of confusion that has plagued me for months has finally come to an end, and I can leave the past behind. And being Barbra/Carrie is not so bad.

After my long discussion, I came home to find a baggage-free apartment, since my undependable landlord was kind enough to help me and put my winter suitcase away where I can't reach. He only left one small bag behind. I smiled, put it away and wrote that one last email I knew I had to write, the period at the end of a sentence.

Friday, June 05, 2009

Le Goodbye to Paris

My Parisian Home

I didn't realize when I went to Paris last week, that it would be goodbye to the city of lights. It was just like going to dinner with a boyfriend without suspecting it would be your last meal together. Then you sit down across from each other and realize you have nothing left to say. It is evident your time together has come to an end, as you sit there chewing and staring.

Our "last" meal was at Cafe Marly. I was sitting at the same restaurant I always go to, having just ordered the same thing I always order. I looked at the amazing view of I.M. Pei's pyramids and I felt nothing. How many times can you go to the same place? Or see the same buildings? Or eat the same steak and mashed potatoes followed by Chocolat Fondant? Isn't it time to move on when the magic just isn't there? I felt an ending running through my bones.

We took a walk after dinner and I found my past lurking behind every corner. I returned to all my old favorite places only to find them haunted by memories. I greeted my friendly ghosts - they are all warm and happy in Paris - and I walked on. At some point, you just want to see something new, and begin a new phase in life, and I may be overdue.

I felt a door closing and another one opening. With one last glance at the city of lights, at Pont Neuf and Les Invalides, I shut the door and turned around. I couldn't wait to see those yellow taxi cabs of New York.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Le Dream Resurrection


How to bring back dreams that have died or left you:

1. Acknowledge the death of the dream

2. Investigate the possible causes

3. Once found, remove the instigator immediately. Due to their virus-like nature, dream-killers will eventually spread to your other dreams and soul

4. Wait. Allow your soul to slowly get accustomed to the now safe environment

5. Begin to act as if the dream were still alive, and proceed with small steps that you would have taken had it had never gone away. For example, if your dream is to go on a roadtrip on Highway 1 in California, purchase a USA guidebook. This sends a positive message to your deceased dream, letting it know it is safe to return.

6. Keep at it time and again, and with regular intervals of space, it will return one day. Perhaps you will be taking a nap at home, and upon waking up, you get a wanderlust for the late-afternoon Californian sun. You dream the brilliant ocean is glistening to your left, while you drive a red convertable on those beautiful windy cliffs.