It was worth it. You know, the move to New York. I'm homeless, unemployed, and a couple of weeks away from broke, but I can't help but smile as I stare out the window of my friend's midtown apartment. I let myself get lost in the vertical lights as I try to peer beyond the edge to see what comes next. Neneh Cherry is singing in the background.
It hasn't been easy. In fact, it was only last week that I found Zen and decided to stay in New York. Up until then I was just worrying and rushing to find my dream job and moving from one person's apartment to the next. I was waiting to find a home and have a steady income until I allowed my life to begin. But what if life only went until tomorrow? How sad would it be if I finally fulfilled my dream of coming to New York, but spent the entire time worrying, feeling inadequate and spending ten days depressed for every three days of fun I allowed myself?
After hitting rock bottom last week, I felt like I had nothing to lose. I woke up one morning, listened to some music which cheered me up and went to a job interview at my dream company. It went well and even though I still don't have a job yet, that whole experience put me in a firm 'Zen' place. I need to enjoy New York, I need to let go of my worries. It will all fall into place because there is a place for me in this city. And most importantly, life is short, don't wait for it to begin.
I went to the German-American Steuben Parade on Saturday in New York City. I have to be honest, I was expecting something along the lines of this:
Scene from Ferris Bueller's Day Off
What I ended up getting was something more along the lines of this:
Scene from German-American Steuben Parade 2007
I was a bit disappointed, not only because Matthew Broderick was nowhere to be seen, but also because the parade itself was just very...random. It filled with anyone who had anything remotely to do with Germany, as well as other groups who chose to identify themselves with the meaning of German-American friendship. These include:
Flag bearing police
German car owners
Sailors
The English
The French
The New York fire department
and
Donald Trump of course.
There were tons of German police there that flew in just for the parade, although I suspect they just wanted to party in New York. There were a lot of older people marching and I can just see them all getting jiggy with each other in the tent afterwards. Other highlights included:
A guy with a big head
A big head marching band
This float
And German nationalism
After the parade we went to the tent to have some German beer and food. I personally was expecting something along the lines of the Oktoberfest in Munich (see below).
Munich Oktoberfest
But instead I got Weisswurst with American hot dog buns, plastic pitchers of beer the size of one German mass and what felt more like the Fourth of July in Munich than O'fest in New York (see below).
German-American Steuben Tent
All in all it was a fun day and that's what matters in the end.
After an extreme motivational low in New York, there is nothing like vintage-80s-live-Madonna to bring you back. The amount of energy she exhibits onstage is enough to power a windmill or fly to the moon. And knowing that she too once moved to New York and was broke for years as she struggled to fulfill her dreams only makes it better. Because if it doesn't work out for me, I can clearly blame it all on her for filling my head with this garbage.
During my last week in Munich, in the midst of getting all my errands done, I took my camera on a little trip down memory lane to my childhood homes and playgrounds. I began assembling a post for you which I never got around to finishing until today. I know it's been almost three months, but somehow the timing fits. Summer is ending and each day I let a little bit of Munich out and some NY in. It's scary...the letting go. I'm not a big fan, but life moves on whether you like it or not. You can choose to look out the window and watch it as it goes by, or you can stare out the back and watch the past get smaller and smaller while you miss the now at it's biggest and shiniest.
Anyhow, here is my bit of Munich for the day, just for you. Keep in mind the post was written before I came to New York.
Love,
Sabrina
September 8, 2007
**********************
Yesterday I hopped on my bike and took a trip down memory lane. I rode to my old neighborhood and stopped only for photo opps and, well, traffic lights of course. I ended up having a blast and took tons of photos to prove it. Come join me and Jimmy Somerville, I want to show you some of the landmarks of my childhood. Jimmy can set the 80s mood in the background.
Part 1
Welcome to my favorite childhood neighborhood!
For some strange reason, I often associate summer with this area of Munich and the 80s. The 80s were like one long hot summer for me, filled with ice cream, messy hair, Italy, top-notch music and exploring the neighborhood with my friends.
Here is the bridge.
When I moved here this was allllll just a field. I went to a circus here and everything.
The swings
The monkey bars
The bars where we would do turns and flips and stuff. Thanks to that I am still very flexible.
The bench
My balcony. I loved living here. It was a small but happy apartment. I remember that whenever my parents would go out at night my 16 year old sister and 7 year old me would pop in a video tape and dance to this very video:
We would also watch Madonna's Ciao Italia tour obsessively. We had the video tape see, cause they showed the concert on German TV. But the night they aired it we had a blackout and couldn't tape the show. But then my sister got it from her friend Donna who was able to tape it and we would watch it all the time.
Me and my best friend Kashia LOVED Madonna and would do the little True Blue dance.
Kashia's balcony. We were neighbors.
Our door
We used to sit on the bulls allllll the time.
We would try to jump to the island in the fountain without falling into the water. What was even harder was trying to jump on the metal ball without falling in. Turns out I'm still too short to do it.
Kashia had a bike and I had a walkman we would trade and I would ride her bike and she would listen to music. I loved riding down this trail and spray water everywhere.
Shop to buy ice cream
Mountain. You're supposed to run to the top and slide down the white stones
The fountain
Cadillac movie theater! The floors are made of glass and there are posters under them. Soooo cool to walk on because you think you're gonna fall in.
We used to come to this hotel for free candy and to chill out on the leather couches in the lounge.
I used to see these hotels from our living room window. I would look at the lights shining from the tiny windows and dream. Somehow it reminds me of New York.
Part 2
Our next house. Not as happy, but still retaining the excellent caliber of the music. I loved and love this song:
Domino Dancing by the Pet Shop Boys
The view from my window
The place where it all started. That's right, my skateboarding career.
My treehouse
The old wall still old
The fence I would climb. I was really little and remember struggling to get onto it and being scared to go all the way to the end since it was the high part. Now I'm taller than the fence.
The cigarette machine where my dad would get his Camels. I used to come with him sometimes.
The mountain we sled on in the winter and rolled down in the summer.
Barbie's Dream House
My friend Ivona and I painted our names onto stone in tipex (white-out). Traces of my name are still there
My steps!
Our balcony. My mom and sister would throw sandwiches down to me when I was outside playing with my friends.
The big tree
My friend Catherine's house
The kiosk near my dad's old work. My mom would take me to work with her when I was little, and we always stopped here to get white gummi mice on the way.
The place where it all began. The hospital where I was born.
Thank you, hope you enjoyed the tour! Today was my last day of work. And I identify with this child now more than ever. I love that it's summer and I love that I'm going to NYC. I don't know, in my head I picture it a mixure between going to Paris and going to Israel to visit family.
“I came from Newcastle in the North of England. We used to have lots of parties where everyone got dressed up. And on one party invitation was the quote ‘she was never bored because she was never boring.’ The song is about growing up—the ideals that you have when you’re young and how they turn out.”
- The Pet Shop Boys
