Le Hunger Strike

It's been almost five weeks since I have been unemployed and I am prepared to take drastic measures. That's right, I am going to go on a hunger strike until somebody here hires me. No, don't try to reason with me! After I eat this cupcake, it's done. I drafted the following email to send to employers. Let me know what you think:


To: theman@thecompany.org
Subject: Job Position: Interesting PR/Marketing Job - You will have blood on your hands if you don't hire me
Attachments: Resume.pdf; Recommendation.pdf

Dear The,

I am interested in the Interesting PR Job. I have three years international PR experience at an agency in Munich, Germany and I recently moved to New York. I speak four languages and in my free time I enjoy knitting and long walks on the beach. I really like The Company and believe I would be an asset to your oragnization. You guys are neat.

I am currently in the midst of a hunger strike protesting my unemployment. My very life is at risk and it is all your fault because you won't hire me. In addition to the fact that I may go hungry or even lose weight, I am the best thing that never happened to your organization. You will spend your days at work wishing you hired me, wishing I was there to help out or even spend an odd lunch with. With my very own chocolate drawer and Hello Kitty office supplies, I am a very hip and fun person to work with.

Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you. Remember, you will have blood on your hands if you don't hire me now. I could die.

Kind Regards,
Me