Le Time Out NY

Time Out NY Issue 699

Dear Entity Who Sent Me A Time Out NY Magazine,

I came home last night from a merry night out, to find Time Out NY Issue 699 February 19-25, 2009 (pictured above) in my mailbox. Upon closer inspection, I found my name and address correctly spelled on the label, beneath a series of numbers and letters. This was obviously not a mistake, but completely intentional and well-thought out. I was puzzled. I have not purchased a subscribtion to TONY, nor have I recently entered any competitions where the grand prize was randomly receiving unwanted magazines in the mail.

I have one question for you: why?

Could someone secretly gave me a gift subscribtion? Was it you? But why not send me a nice note announcing the impending magazine? Why just do it so sneakily, behind my back, so that I have to come home and experience this kind of shock in the lobby of my apartment building? Who are you???

Or was it the publisher? You know I just renewed my subscription to New York Magazine, right? I have no interest in other publications about the same city. And why just send me an issue? What sick game are you playing? Is this supposed to be some sort of promotion? Well, to me you are nothing more than a petty drug dealer, giving out free drugs to children and then making them pay once they are addicted. I shall not be promoted to! Maybe you will even send me a bill at one point, claiming I read the magazine and so should pay you for it. Are you watching me right now???

And while we're at it, what the hell is up with your magazine? It's so confusing, I can't even tell the difference between the ads and the articles. Do you only hire people who have ADD?

I think you are vile for playing these games.

Know that I will find you.

Breens