Saturday, May 27, 2006

Le Virus

The whole city has been taken over by a virus. Signs of distress are everywhere you go, just like the plague. Ninety percent of the German population has been infected and the government doesn’t seem to be doing much about it. They actually seem to be feeding it and spurring it on. Typical, always trying to distract the masses. The virus’s official name in English is World Cup 2006. In German, it is Weltmeisterschaft 2006, or as the media refers to it: the WM.

The main culprit of this disease is Germany, however people all over the world have been infected by it. Symptoms include screaming, excessive drinking, a sudden need to wear polyester jerseys, groundless nationalism and an obsession with watching men run around on a field of grass chasing after air wrapped in leather. If you’ve never seen it, it’s quite amusing for about 4 seconds, but only because the men slightly look like the ball’s bitches.

Thankfully I have managed to avoid catching this disease and I am intent on keeping it that way. I shall do this by staying away from those that have the disease, shopping (since it heals everything), quarantining myself indoors, staying in and watching TV shows, tanning in the English Garden far away from the masses and whining about it on Le Blog.

May peace be with you and your loved ones. The next two months are going to be hell.



Anonymous Craig said...

Very Funny!!!! but you've crossed the line girl infact if you were a football then that comment you made would surely have been a goal [I have the virus don't i] football is great i think your jealous just 'cause your team didn't make qualifying :P. I hope you will be watching the winners...England!..England!..England.

Craig - bringing football to the antis

2:54 PM  

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